Relationships provide endless perks. You now have a constant cuddle buddy, someone to eat lunch with and of course, someone to remind you when you’re acting ridiculous. Sometimes, though, we get so enamored with our significant other that we forget about our lifetime soulmates: our friends. Getting a boyfriend somehow makes your single friends unable to understand how you prefer a night of Netflix and chill over a night of jaeger bombs. Your single friends might even joke about placing signs all over your college campus that read, “WANTED: Friend Missing, Last Seen with Her Boyfriend.” If you’re the person your friends constantly look for, you know what it feels like to constantly hear, “but we never see you anymore!”
1. “You’re lame; you don’t go out with us anymore.” –Florida State University Junior Lindsey Bennett
It’s not fun to dance at the club when you’re taken. While our single friends grind on as many guys as possible, we awkwardly dance to Zayn Malik’s “Pillowtalk” by ourselves. So yes, we’d rather be lame than lamer dancing alone when bae doesn’t go out with us. “Are you going out with him tonight or us?” said FSU freshman Leeza Luca.
2. “Does he have a brother?” –FSU Freshman Sarah Costello
Sorry, single friends, but there’s a very low chance that our boyfriend has a twin. Trust us, we wish he had a brother so we could all hang out together—our lives would be easier. But as soon as our boyfriend joins a fraternity or his cousin from Colombia comes to visit, we’ll make sure to book a double date for us. We want nothing but a Zac Efron clone for you.
3. “We think you’ve changed (A LOT) since you got a boyfriend.” –FSU Freshman Alahni McGahee
Yes, we did change. And guess what? We don’t care. We no longer consume hundreds of calories from Tequila Sunrises every weekend. We don’t even know what club goes up on a Tuesday. We now find joy in skipping hangovers and going on double-date brunches. We’re sincerely sorry that we’re no longer your beer pong partner, but let’s face it—we suck anyway. “I don’t go out as much or drink as heavy. They’ve said how I’ve changed and I’m not the same. I feel like I’ve changed for the better as I was a mess before,” said FSU freshman Megan B.
4. “Oh my god, you guys are my favorite couple! #Relationshipgoals.” –FSU Freshman Stef Prieto
We really do love it when you support our relationship, especially since you hated our last boyfriend. In fact, we actually wish you made an effort to hang out with us more because as much as we like alone time, our boyfriend wants to get to know you. No worries, you’ve already passed your maid of honor test. We know throwing a mean pre-game means you’ll throw the greatest bachelorette party ever (please, no stripper). We hope that when you say this you mean it, and that you’re just as happy for us as you are wishing we were at happy hour with you.
5. “I hate third wheeling.” –FSU Freshman Lauren Proce
It’s really not our fault that you asked to get lunch at the same time our boyfriend did. We just want to make everyone happy. Newsflash: Couples can actually be the best wingmen. When you dance alone next to a couple, hot guys will run to you like a moth to a flame. If all else fails, there’s two of us to save you from the creepy guy hitting on you at the bar.
6. “You’re more here than you are in your own room.” –FSU Freshman Courtney Adkins
This is what our girlfriends say to our boyfriends when they sleep over our dorms every night, or what our boyfriend’s roommates say to us when we invade their mancave and take up 2K time. Our roommates complain that because of our S.O. the electric bill skyrocketed and that they’re tired of listening to us have sex in the middle of the night. But it’s confusing because when we try to combat your complaints by staying at his house, we get comments like “I haven’t seen you in four days…are you dead or at your boyfriend’s house?” said FSU junior Caroline Grandchamp.
7. “You missed it!” –FSU Freshman Megan B.
We know, we missed the crazy spring break cruise. Did our friends really think we were going to have fun while they hooked up with every bartender on the ship? No, we weren’t there that one time Julie got with the Uber driver, but we sure hope they mention the story one more time to make us feel left out. We know our friends aren’t trying to be mean by mentioning every moment we missed out on, but sometimes it feels like they’re trying to prove a point and show us how much more fun it is to be single.
8. “Tell me everything!” –FSU Sophomore Harriet Harward
Do you guys really want to know how often we have sex? Do you really care to know how we said “I love you?” Do you really need to know how big it is? This is none of your business and anyhow, after the first three months, there isn’t much left to tell. Besides, once you start asking me to tell you everything, you’re going to regret all the excruciating details of our relationship, like how we lick each other’s faces and eat our ice cream with the same spoon. Is that what you wanted to know?
9. “Ew. ”–FSU Freshman Stacy W.
Our taste in men equates to our favorite flavor of ice cream—you may like Cookies and Cream while we like Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough. Our boyfriends aren’t gross, no matter what you say and we’d really appreciate your support. If you don’t approve of our relationship, don’t like our Instagram photo. Love has no explanation, so please stop judging. We’re the only ones who need to be attracted to him anyway.
10. “I was butt a** naked in the kitchen and heard your boyfriend in your room. A warning would be nice.” –Grandchamp
How many times do we have to tell you to buy a pair of pajamas? It’s not our fault you decided to walk naked in the kitchen. You should know after five months of dating our boyfriend that there’s a high chance he’s over. But you single ladies also bring guys home without warning. Unlike you, we know that to wear clothes on Sundays, just in case you walk out into the living room with that guy from the night before. Let’s both just agree to warn each other.
