The weekend lasts four days in college. Every Thursday we look forward to spending an extra day of the week of our lives to party, because honestly, why not? “Thirsty Thursdays,” otherwise known as the weekday night where all homework, meetings and responsibilities fall to the wayside is the highlight of being a college student. And you can only get away with it for so long in a lifetime. But with great parties comes great responsibilities—AKA the hangover that forces you to wear sunglasses to class the next day to block out the bright lights in the lecture hall.
Find out the 10 struggles of Thirsty Thursday that all college students understand.
1. Natty Light, AKA Drinking Dish Water
Natural Light Beer is a college essential. “Natty Light” is the cheapest beer a person can buy. Plus one of these silver bullets tastes like the water at the bottom of your dishwasher before you run it. Drinking a Natty Lite is basically a rite of passage in college. In high school, you stole fine wine and vodka from your parents’ liquor cabinet in high school. Over the summer you sipped on a refreshing spiked lemonade on the beach. Now you take the key to your dorm room and forcefully puncture a hole in a blue and red beer can in a stuffy basement.
2. Your Going-Out Shoes will 100 percent Get Wrecked
The first weekend of college I felt ambitious. I picked out my long-awaited outfit for the first night out and created what looked like a category five storm in my room finding the perfect shoes to match. I decided upon the most gorgeous, fresh pair of white platforms a girl (or guy) had ever seen. Getting on the “white loop,” the bus system that should be taken by every Penn State student at least once in their time here, I specifically made sure not to hit my feet against anything in order to protect my shoes. Fast forward, stumbling into my room I take off my shoes and they look destroyed. I’m not talking about a couple of manageable scratches and dark marks, but once beautiful white shoes covered in what college kids like to call “frat gunk”: a mixture of spilled beer, throw up and sweat that lines basement floor across fraternities everywhere. It’s unavoidable. Wear sneakers.
3. The Fight Over Party Addresses
When five o’clock comes around and people start to get ready and figure out their plans, someone asks the big question, “Where are we going tonight?” As a freshman, you always worry about which party to go to, which party we can walk to and which party will let in our guy friends. Usually, one person finds out an address, keeps this address a secret until the very last possible second and then finally spills.
4. Pre-Gaming While People Are Doing Their Homework
Pre-gaming seems impossible with an RA (Residence’s Assistance, aka your new college mom) breathing down your back from four doors down. And it is insanely hard on a Thursday. Some college kids want to enjoy the night of their lives on Thursdays. And others like to stay in and get caught up on homework or study for the quizzes of the next morning. To the kids trying to further their academic success, I swear I’ll try to control my friends from screaming before every shot.
5. Buckets of Sweat
Yes, everyone loves a good sweaty middle school dance, but not at a college party. I honestly think I sweat more once I put on a full face of makeup and my perfectly curled hair than I do actually running on an elliptical at the gym. It’s not like we even do a strenuous amount of physical activity. There are just so many bodies in so many small, tight spaces. Everyone sweats. Put on deodorant and don’t stress about it.
6. Your One Drunk Friend Who Can’t Walk to the Next Frat House
There’s always that one friend who can’t seem to control themselves. It’s not on purpose, and you still love them the next day as much as you did before. But wow do they need to get their shit together. Please, for the sake of all of us, make it to the next house.
7. Talking to the Uber Driver
If, and when, you make it to the next house with your wild band of friends, then comes the issue of getting home. Being a freshman in college means no car, and no car means a lot of walking. Walking is no longer the enjoyable walk to get ice cream with your siblings, but a hike up Mount Everest. No one wants to walk so Uber becomes our new best friend. And talking to an Uber driver and trying to be friendly seems nearly impossible after a night out, especially if your friends sit in the backseat acting like ten-year-olds at a sleepover. This is my official apology to all Uber drivers who have ever driven my friends and I home from “frat row.” I’m sorry and I hope to act like a normal human the next time I see you.
8. Chick-fil-A is open only 12-3 P.M.
Who’s idea was this? Why would a person only want crispy chicken nuggets and waffle fries in between lunch and dinner? I have serious questions for you. Where should I be soaking up the contents of my stomach?
9. Puke in the Showers
Don’t even get me started. Only months into college, I’ve already seen more throw-up in the shower than I’ve puked myself in my entire life. It confuses me how everyone seems to aim for the shower when every bathroom has trash cans and toilets. Imagine waking up to seeing a mixture of dining hall food and jungle juice in the shower the next morning. And it isn’t yours. A girl is just trying to take to shave her legs without getting concerned about catching a disease. Is that too much to ask?
10. Class at 8 A.M. the Next Morning
A person hits their peak in life if they can make it to an 8 a.m. class the Friday morning after going out. Honestly, major props.
College Magazine does not promote underage drinking. Please drink responsibly.
