While I consider myself a veritable expert in single-person-ology, we’ve all been there at one point. Sometimes it’ll feel like all of your friends are in happy relationships. You pretend not to care, but it’s not easy being the eternal third wheel. But once you let slip one dreaded complaint, lo and behold, your wonderful friends are on you like bees on honey. (Except they’re the sweet ones, and you’re the… bee? Crap, never mind.) They shower you with compliments, and the truth gives way to love and support. But you don’t have to call them on their bullshit–just verse yourself in these common love-lies so you don’t take them too seriously.
“He’s intimidated by how awesome/outgoing/(adjective) you are!”
If you have a specific potential bae in mind that hasn’t been giving you the attention you deserve, you might mention it in passing to your friends. But sometimes your friends will say that ALL guys are intimidated by how great you are. That one’s definitely a lie–unless you’re Beyonce. If you are, um… Oh god, hi. I didn’t know you read CM. I love your work.
“No one around here is mature enough to appreciate you.”
This one’s a real gem: It’s simultaneously a compliment to you as a mature and put-together young lady and an insult to all the unappreciative men of the world. Honestly though, it’s probably true on most college campuses, especially if you’re looking for a real relationship beyond hookups and frat parties. Don’t give them too much crap for this one, ‘cause they’re not far off.
“He doesn’t even know how to approach someone like you. You’re so rare.”
Because you’re a special snowflake who’s not like any of the other girls, your lady friends are going to make sure you know it–and soothe your sad heart a little by highlighting just how much better you are than those other girls, whoever “they” are. Still, if this were true and a guy really wanted to date you, he could probably figure it out.
“Boys are gonna be all over you in _____.”
Your friends can fill that blank with pretty much anything that applies to your life–college, grad school, your job, your major classes, anything. They’ll pick out an element of your personality that best shines in any of these situations–your extensive knowledge of Victorian literature, your killer karaoke skills or your ability to non-awkwardly make small talk, just to name a few–and latch onto it. Be especially careful with this one. I took it a little too much to heart and was very disappointed upon arriving to college to find that my milkshake did not bring these particular boys to this particular yard.
“He’s afraid to even approach you ‘cause you’re so far out of his league.”
This one is one of the most frustrating to hear, because even if we don’t always have an accurate interpretation of our own beauty,we can usually smell BS when it’s this thick. As much as I appreciate the compliment, I usually know when I’m definitely not out of someone’s league. That might just be the negative-body-image cynic in me, but I don’t think I’m the only one. Friends, be realistic in your compliments–they work better that way.
“Being in a relationship isn’t that great. You’re not missing much.”
Okay, stop. I’d maybe understand if your friend was really unhappy in their relationship, but otherwise please don’t. This one genuinely hurts sometimes, because you’ve seen how happy that friend can be when their S.O. is around. And not only that, they’re completely invalidating your desire for a relationship. It puts it on you, as if it’s silly that you’d even want such a thing. Maybe it’s just me, but this one is really the worst. Please, well-meaning friends: If you’re reading this, it’s not too late.
“You’re lucky. I wish I were single.”
If this one isn’t a lie I’d honestly be concerned. If your friend genuinely wishes they were single, that can’t be good for them or their S.O. Which is why it’s on a list of lies. Who would miss the long nights in crowded bars getting hit on by smelly guys? Who would miss drinking wine alone on the couch watching Love Actually for the 4th night this week? Point is, the single life isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. But I guess the grass is always greener on the other side.
