“…Yo I got a fake ID though”
You may know this classic line from J-Kwon’s Tipsy, and you may have even used it to quote your actual night every now and then. But what about the ones that didn’t get away?
If you are reading this, you probably have had or have a friend that has had a fake ID. You’ve seen kids walk in and out of liquor stores, bars and clubs with success clearly under the age of 21. You’ve also probably heard horror stories of kids getting caught. Whether it is getting turned down in line, getting your ID taken, or getting pulled out to the side by the cops, I’ve seen it all. How these would-be-law-breakers are identified is one matter, but how one handles the situation is another. I’ve categorized their reactions.
The One Who Pregamed a Little Too Hard
I’m sure you have seen her. I say ‘her’ to avoid any masculinity issues, but that is not to say that this cannot or does not happen with guys. This is the drunk girl in line who can barely stand straight in her stilettos. As she goes to reach for her ID she fumbles around through her bag for a good minute before her friends help get the card out of her wallet. As she hands her card to the bouncer, he laughs and tells her friends, “this girl is too drunk. She can’t come in.” The girl’s face goes blank. She is scared, upset, threatened. She starts to cry and is brushed out of line by her friends. She is a H-O-T-T M-E-S-S. Better luck next time, sweetie.
The Unlucky, Less Than Look-a-Like
This particular individual has two defining characteristics. 1) he or she has a sub-par fake ID. It is either extremely counterfeit or the picture is of someone else altogether. 2) he or she has not properly memorized all of the information on the card. The two tend to go hand in hand, and I have seen this happen on various occasions. Individuals using someone else’s ID are questioned about their graduation year, address, birthday, etc. They do not know the answer and the ID is immediately thrown out or taken away. Do not be this person!!!! This is by far the most avoidable situation, if I do say so myself. Either get your facts straight or get a good ID. And by good I mean one that it is actually you and you are actually 21.
The Hit and Runner
This is the person that I would consider both smart and dumb. He or she patiently waits in line with a slight expectation that the bouncer will take their ID away. Upon rejection, he or she grabs their ID and flees the scene. Yes, it can work, but if you’re not at Forrest Gump status you’re more than likely to get caught and/or arrested.
The One That Got Away
Ah, my favorite, most daring and entertaining friend. This is the friend who comes completely unprepared to the bar, finds some way to sneak around the back and makes it in safely. He or she may not even own a fake ID and tends to wing it in life in general. I have seen this done before but full disclaimer: I am not encouraging such behavior.
So, which one are you? If you’re a good Samaritan the answer is none of them. You are either 21, you don’t go out, or you know how to not get caught. Whatever your evening endeavors may entail, I can tell say to you two things- good luck, and don’t try to use the alias McLovin.
