Dear Noah, I really want to have a threesome with one of my girlfriend's friends, but I don't think my girlfriend would be into it. I know the friend has talked about it and asked me about it, but I feel like I can't ask my girlfriend because she'd get offended. Is there any way to ask without hurting her feelings? Or should I just not even bother?
–Threesome-deprived female, New York University
Dear Threesome-deprived female,
You want to have a threesome, but you’re worried your girlfriend may feel offended if you ask her about it. This could happen, but there’s a way in which you could bring it up that would help to avoid that situation.
Start talking about threesomes in broad, generic terms. Tell her you think that they’re hot, and ask for her opinion on the subject. See what she says. If she’s vehemently against it, you’re probably barking up the wrong tree. If, however, she seems unsure, or brushes it off…you may be able to introduce the idea to her without negative consequences.
The concept here is to ease her into the idea of partaking in a threesome. Does she know that you want to have threesomes? No? What if she wants to have one too, but is equally as scared to talk about it?
This is why you should at least give it a shot—if you don’t, you could both be missing out on something you each want, simply because you’re scared of offending your partner.
Also, if she does react negatively to the topic of threesomes, think about how badly you want to try a threesome. If it’s a burning desire that’s never going to go away, your partner may not be the right person for you. You may be better off with someone who is as sexually adventurous as you are.
It’s much better to figure it out now than in ten years, when you’re further committed or even married and can’t back out as easily. It’s also much better than fulfilling these desires secretly without your partner.
In the end you should slowly bring up the conversation of threesomes with your girlfriend. Ask her what she thinks, in broad terms. For example: “Do you think threesomes are sexy?” or “Do you know anyone that’s ever been in a threesome?” If she likes the idea, continue to bring it up and gradually be more specific. If she seems opposed, however, you need to ask yourself how badly you want a threesome. Depending on that answer, you may have to reassess the relationship.
Have fun!
–Noah
Dear Noah,
I'm a female at a small university. How often should I stay in touch with my boyfriend who lives far away from my school? And how should I keep in contact with him? Because I don't think Facebook chat is enough, you know?
–Long Distance Girlfriend
Dear Long Distance Girlfriend,
There’s no right or wrong answer when it comes to keeping in contact with your significant other. I know it’s an annoying cliché to hear, but every relationship is different.
I think the main issue here is not the frequency of communication, but rather the form. Facebook chat is a great way to talk to someone throughout the day, but for you, it’s not enough for keeping in contact with your boyfriend.
We all know the couples that can’t go an hour without texting…but we also know the couples that are busy and only talk once a week.
How are those boundaries established? Set a precedent for the type of communication you want. It sounds like you want to do more than Facebook chat with him…so do more! Call him. Skype him. Reach out, and see how he reacts. If he’s fine with it, establish it as the new norm and continue the pattern.
If he reacts negatively, though, you may want voice your concerns. Be careful not to sound whiney in a clingy-partner kind of way. Instead, approach the subject in in a way that flatters him. Tell him how sexy his voice is, and how you miss hearing it every day. Or let him know how hot you think he is, and how you want to see his beautiful eyes more often. Compliment him, and it may be hard for him to resist changing the form of communication.
You can even remind him that video chat enables you two to engage in other kinds of entertaining activities.
Either show him what you want or let him know how you’re feeling, and the communication will hopefully improve. Good luck!
–Noah
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