Well, the Video Music Awards have officially actually happened, which means every star in attendance is currently enduring the internet’s inexorable cyber bullying. Miley Cyrus is especially feeling the heat. I think I could have been living in a cave and a pigeon carrier would have dropped off a short manuscript note, “Attention: Miley twerked.”
While I did find a number of things about the performance odd (the carefully crafted Zenon pigtails, the slightly sluggish back-up bears, the incessant tongue bulging and her impressive ability to remain un-impregnated after that number on Robin Thicke), I tend to agree with the more mild reviews. So what, she was once on Disney Channel? That was many a year ago– like so many years back that people had to snail-mail their hate mail to her rather than type 140 characters and haphazardly click “Tweet.” And yes, she was wearing rather oddly shaped “shorts,” but need I remind you she was technically wearing more fabric than Lady Gaga?
I think it’s time I join the slew of reviews of Miley’s performance, but I’m not going to do the talking. Because here’s my question: isn’t anyone wondering what Billy Ray’s “achy breaky heart” has to say about all this? Miley, in his immortal words:
“Slow down, you're gonna crash,
But baby you're a-screaming it's a blast, blast, blast”
["Real Gone," 2009]
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“It’s the first time you broke my heart, it won’t be the last.”
["It Won’t Be the Last," 1993]
“That's a touchy subject, let's not talk about it
Right now I can't explain it I'm better off without it"
["Touchy Subject," 1998]
“There was no sound at all
But the slow lonely fall of an unspoken tear”
["Missing You," 1998]
“I wake up in the morning in a lonely ice cold bed
Thinkin' bout the nightmare that just played in my head”
["I’m So Miserable," 1992]
"God in heaven hear my prayer if you are still above
Send the children hopes and dreams and lots and lots of love"
["Trail of Tears," 1996]
“It's time for letting go we can't hide what we both know …
What a shame things had to turn out this way”
["Time for Letting Go," 1998]
Ol' Billy seemed pretty level-headed about the whole ordeal, tweeting only hours after the performance:
Supporting his baby girl, I guess. I wonder if he knew what was he in for when he wrote “That’s What Daddy’s Do.”
