*THIS IS SATIRE. I SWEAR I’M REALLY A NICE GUY*
Look babe, it’s just not going to happen. Stop crying and listen up. I think you’re awesome. It’s just…well, we’re not going to work out. Seriously, calm down, I need to explain this to you. I’m not going to sugarcoat it: I don’t think we’re compatible in the slightest. If you really want to know why, chances are it’s because of at least one of these things:
1.) My name is Don Draper