There comes a point when one realizes what they can achieve and accomplish. It either hits you all at once like a ton of bricks, or, progresses throughout your lifetime. I cannot tell you when it will happen or how. I can only tell you that you may, for the time being, not know the purpose of your existence.
My experience finding my calling included an extreme change in my major.
I began my self-awareness journey while taking numerous amounts of nursing classes that proved of no interest to me. I reflected on the circumstances I lived with and the impact they had on achieving a strong sense of individuality and consciousness.
For instance, growing up in a strict, Russian family gave me limited opportunities to develop a cherished and popular American ideal: individualism. Who was I truly meant to be? What career should I chase after? I asked myself all of these questions. Answers to these questions came from my parents, not from me. My parents had given me no option but to study nursing in order to pursue a high paying job to provide for them financially. Knowing they wanted that future for me became more than enough for me.
However, things turned out quite rocky. Due to my parent’s lack of emotional and academic support, I became unable to pursue my own academic interests. Instead, I grew envious of the students whose parents allowed them to study their chosen field. To cope with my anger and frustration, I read multiple authors which brought insight into my life. I used the words from their writings to bring me comfort and remind me of my love for English literature.
At this moment, I realized that I felt destined to pursue an English major. This all may seem dramatic‒trust me, I know. However, at a moment like this when you have a life ahead of you and you currently feel unhappy, you have the responsibility to become the best version of yourself and chase your dreams.
My genuine interests in reading the authors like Bukowski and Hemingway sparked the great need for me to pursue a major that encompassed my love for literature. I realized that pursing English as my major would allow me to do things I love such as writing, reading, editing, publishing poetry and more. I could finally work on things I had interest in. Nursing proved too tough, but finding my passion for English encouraged me to become the epitome of the great authors I read such as, Whitman, J.D. Salinger and more. These authors extremely inspired me. They evoked a feeling deep down within me and inspired me to write on everything possible, whether on napkins, hands, sidewalks or the inevitable coffee cups piling up in my room. Given that no perfectly well-crafted text exists, one may think that the sporadic ideas combusting within one’s head would just flow through on paper. Instead, writing takes a lot out of you and consumes you entirely.
In pursuing a major I felt genuinely captivated by, I learned to take control of the person I wanted to become: someone resilient, fearless and able to bounce back from adversities. I would pursue an English major and I would make my parents proud. I overcame the fear of telling my parents that I would choose my life plan. Shocking, right? Despite my fear and anxiety over the whole situation, they grew to accept what I chose to do.
By overcoming an educational barrier, I learned that the days spent wondering what one’s purpose diminishes once one begins to actively pursue what they love. I’ve started educating myself, becoming self aware and recognizing my existence in this world as I study the humanities. Nursing serves as great pursuit, and perhaps some people have a calling in this field of study. From the second I learned to recognize my strengths, I knew I would not go back now. You never know when the moment will come. Just try to recognize and pursue it.
