We used to be inseparable. We had the same friends, the same classes; we even lived together.We went on family vacations and counted on each another when things got tough. We’ve seen one another’s best and worst.
They say once you’ve been friends with someone for seven years, the friendship becomes solid for life. Unfortunately for me, that wasn’t the case.
Our friendship started one day at school when we were waiting in line at the cafeteria. We talked about making plans for dinner and a movie. I didn’t really think the plans would follow through because we were from such different crowds. But they did and that night, she became my favorite person to talk to.
Within weeks, our friendship felt like home. We would go everywhere together and text all day, every day. If we weren’t going out to a social event, we had our “night in” routine. We would first go to her favorite pizza place and then watch weird YouTube videos back at my house. We would always say next time we were going to do something more exciting but we never did, and I didn’t care.
I had never had such a great friend before. I could be ridiculous with her, have anxiety attacks, cry and make mistakes, but no matter what I did or said, she would never judge. She was a true friend. Those aren’t easy to find.
Our friendship lasted blissfully throughout high school before it started to dwindle in college.
We came to the same university with our group of friends from high school. That first year, due to some personal struggles, I separated from some of the girls in the group. I felt that they didn’t understand me or care for me. My best friend did, but she was so close to these girls that our friendship started to bear the weight of that struggle.
She was caught in the middle of the drama. To add to that, I started to change the way I acted. In high school, I just followed what everyone else did and what I was taught. In college, I decided to be true to myself. I began acting classes and started making music. I spent hours studying different actors and artists quietly in the darkness of my dorm, as my best friend slept.
I didn’t care if people thought what I wanted to pursue was “impractical.” I devoted most of my time to it because I was so passionate about it. These interests also separated me from my best friend because our interests are total opposites.
Our friendship made it through that year but it kept getting weaker.
I felt like she was attached to this group of girls the way she once was to me. Now, she counted on them for advice on boys and on her new sorority friends. She went wherever they wanted to party, regardless whether I was going with them or not, which I never did.
Our living together is what kept us connected. But as my conflict with the other girls got worse, so did my strained friendship with my best friend. I got a boyfriend and that made things even worse because I started to count on him more now. I felt like I couldn’t rely on my “friends” here at school.
Finally, the time came where we resigned our leases. I made the decision to not live with her anymore. She was to live with the girls, and I was to go my own way. That pretty much meant nothing would make us cross paths. Our friendship had fallen apart so much at this point that I knew we wouldn’t try to make plans to hang out.
I lost my best friend. It hurt a lot more than I was ever willing to admit.
“Breaking up” with my best friend was the worst breakup I’ve ever gone through. Boys come and go, but valuable friends are priceless. She was basically family, so I was angry at the way things turned out. She was the one constant friend in my life. I felt like I would never get over it.
But with time, I began to. I learned that sometimes we outgrow people and they outgrow us. It’s not that we weren’t great together, but we have different paths in our lives. The best we can do is wish each other the best and move forward.
Luckily, she re-entered my life. My conflict with the girls died down and she got placed in the apartment across the hall. We still have mutual friends so from time to time we get to hang out. I worry that after graduation we won’t speak at all anymore because there’s nothing left to keep us connected, but I know I can talk to her if I really need to.
We may not be best friends anymore but she’s still very close to my heart. I learned a lot from our friendship and I have to thank her for many of my accomplishments. She may not know it but she helped me believe in myself when no one else did. I don’t know that we’ll ever rekindle the friendship we once had, but I can say it was one I’ll always cherish.
