By Crystal Becerril > Senior > English and Journalism > Boston University; Photo by AR > Sophomore > Graphic Design > UMBC
Even the most passionate relationships come to an end. While some couples might remain friends after a relationship, sometimes it’s best to make a clean break.
In fact, there are three cases where you should not be friends with your ex, said relationship expert Dr. Darshana Hawks in a television interview: “If your relationship ended badly, if your friends and family couldn’t stand them and if you still have feelings for them.”
With a new semester to bring in a fresh start, the simplest route to a better year is to dump the old habits that bring you back to your ex, and refocus on the future. It’s your decision whether you choose to get over a breakup or keep dwelling on the past.
If you are still harboring feelings from your last breakup, here are some tips to help you make the step from mourner to moved-on:
1. The Do-Not-Call List.
Remember when you called up your boyfriend every 5 minutes to see how his day was? Stop. First of all, you shouldn’t be doing this–but if you are, realize when it’s over.
“It’s best to cut ties,” said Alex Zaniboni, Bridgewater State College. “I feel like residual feelings don’t pan out well, so going your separate ways is the best way to avoid getting hurt and move on.”
If you call or text continuously after the relationship is over, you are just handing over control to your future relationship with him or her. You have better things to do with your time and no one wants to seem desperate.
2. Stop Stalking.
While you may think that glancing at his or her photos (or relationship status) on Facebook is just a normal pastime that will only prove how much better you are doing now without your ex, you are only feeding your desires to rekindle something that may no longer be there.
3. No more Storytelling
Trust me, your friends may be nice, but they don’t want to hear about the same issues over and over. If you are really over someone, you need not bring him or her up in conversation every 5 minutes. If you are out and every story reminds you of your ex, keep some of those memories to yourself. I’m not saying you can’t talk about it, but don’t go overboard; it’s uncomfortable for everyone.
4. Get your own Drinks
When a relationship ends, it means that both the disadvantages and perks of the relationship are over. If you are at a friend’s house and your ex shows up, please don’t ask him or her to get you a drink or grab your coat for you. Also, sitting on laps and taking constant pictures with your ex look desperate. He or she is no longer your boyfriend or girlfriend, so don’t act like they are.
5. Flirt and Eventually…Date
The most obvious advice is to take the time to go out to social events and make an effort to meet new people. Isolation after a breakup is not going to get you anywhere. Avoiding the world will only allow you more time to dwell on the past and fantasize an unrealistic future of reunion or a plot for revenge—neither of which is healthy.
Now that you’ve made steps to move on, think about the relationship you have with yourself. After all, your inner feelings are the most influential in moving on and, hopefully, changing for the better.
