How Your Parents’ Divorce Could Affect Your Relationship

In our generation, especially in music and movies, we are taught to “trust no one” and that finding love is hopeless. But as humans, it’s normal to want that happy ending. We were taught at a young age that we will fall in love and everything will be perfect (Thanks Disney). But in reality, I’m sure as we all know, it’s never that easy.

And it doesn’t help either when the one relationship you should believe in doesn’t last. Your parents’ love is the first love you endure. So what happens they separate or divorce? Do our parents’ divorces have an impact on our own relationships?

“I’ve gotten really insecure with my relationships,” said freshman Averie Beltrain, from San Jacinto College. “My mom said that I was a really happy child and then whenever my parents got divorced, I was a completely different child.”

Kelly Rossetto, a professor from Boston College specializing in interpersonal and family communication, explained that research conducted on divorce showed that this kind of conflict in the family may bring negative feelings towards relationships and marriage. Some research has suggested that people who have experience with parental divorce are more likely to experience their own divorce.

“As of right now, I don’t want to get married because I don’t want to get divorced,” Beltran said. “It’s also hard for me to trust people. I don’t trust guys. “

Trust is a huge part of any type of relationship. Without trust, the relationship has nothing to thrive or grow on. It’s a hard concept to grasp to think that the two people you’re supposed to always trust, your parents, have given you reasons not to trust in future relationships. If you can’t trust the people you love, how can you trust anyone? How can you love anyone?

“I feel like our generation feels like love is hopeless,” said junior Janale Delrosario from the University of Texas in Tyler, “Our generation confuses lust with love nowadays and when the going gets tough, [they] leave the relationships completely. Love is supposed to endure all things.”

Delrosario explained her experience with her parents’ divorce.

“Watching my parents as I was growing up was difficult,” Delrosario said. “I looked for attention and love in all the wrong places and ended up making huge mistakes on the way. I always thought to myself that I would never be like them. Recently, I have found out that I subconsciously picked up some bad habits from both of my parents that may have potentially ruined a relationship that could have possibly be the beginning of my own fairytale.”

It’s normal for you to pick up habits from your parents. Growing up, you learn from your parents who and how to love. They are the people you observe the most and when picking your significant other, you will always have your parents in the back of your mind. For example, people say that women choose men like (or not like) their father.

We also subconsciously pick up habits from our parents and just like Delrosario, it’s usually the habits we never wanted to learn. But because we see it so often, we don’t see anything wrong with it right away. We get used to it. The concept that it’s okay to get divorced may be just one more thing we pick up from mom and dad.

“Those who experience parental divorce are more likely to experience their own in the future,” Professor Rossetto said. “They may develop negative attitudes about relationships or may feel unequipped to cope with changes to family structure and roles.”

Not all divorces have this effect on people, though. Every divorce is different and therefore there are different ways to handle divorce.

“Many individuals and families are able to function well, explained Professor Rossetto.  “So from my perspective understanding, how we can cope with divorce and adapt to the changes is very important.”

Just because your parents go through a divorce, doesn’t necessarily mean you automatically will. Every relationship involves different people with different personalities. Therefore, your relationship can be different from your parents’ relationship.

 “Good relationships take time and work. Seeing my parents got divorced only made me realize that sometimes people are not perfect together, it just takes a little more time for some couples to realize that,” Stanfield said. “My parents’ divorce was the best thing that could have happened for our family because now, they are both happier than they have ever been.”

 

Photos taken from blog.lsdcdn.in and bloginanam.files.wordpress.com