Hipsters, much like actual people, come in all sorts of shapes and sizes. Normally ranging from 2% body fat to 5% body fat, hipsters walk among us on a day to day basis, usually against their liking – after all, they hate being part of the mainstream. The vast majority of these hipsters are really just college students like you and me.
To help you familiarize yourself with hipsters, College Magazine has assembled a list of the different hipsters you’ll meet in college – kind of sounds like the title of a Dr. Seuss poem, doesn’t it?
Oh, the hipsters you’ll meet,
In space or on the side of the street,
Walking on their hands,
Because walking on feet,
Has become too mainstream…
Disregarding the fact that Dr. Seuss may be rolling in his grave after that, let’s move on to the list, shall we?
The Musical Hipster
The musical hipster has questionable taste in music, listening to bands or rappers who are unpopular because, simply put, they don’t have what it takes to make it big, with the exception of a select few – you know, the ones you’ve heard of. Usually their love of (insert indie artist) is relative to how embarrassed they are to listen to (insert pop artist), a dilemma the average person doesn’t think twice about. Additionally, the musical hipster will purchase vinyl records, even if he or she has never touched a record player, just to display them in their dorm room and look cultured. Unbeknownst to them, it makes them as cultured as Megan Fox is a good actress. On the flip side, 83% of musical hipsters are accomplished musicians. Who doesn’t love live acoustic music or running into someone who actually knows how to play the harmonica?
The Political Hipster
Let’s face it – the vast majority of college students aren’t exactly stimulated by politics. Most students will vote. Most students will have a preferred candidate when an election comes around. Most students will watch The Colbert Report once a week. Most students will not, however, keep up with every bill passed or what’s on the agenda for Congress. Then again, most students are not hipsters, clearly. The political hipster, on the other hand, has a very distinctive opinion on everything politics. In fact, their opinion is often so strong and vocal that it makes you want to punch their opinion in the ovaries – nobody wants to discuss Alec Baldwin’s political aspirations during 30 Rock. But hey, somebody’s got to keep the rest of us apathetic folk informed on what’s going on in Washington. While these hipsters certainly aren’t as informed as the professionals in our nation’s capital– even if they claim to be –without them, movements like Occupy Wall Street wouldn’t have transpired. On behalf of the rest of the politically unaware college population of America, my metaphorical hat goes off to you, political hipsters.
The Artistic Hipster
Zooey Deschanel Wannabes
There are days where you can be Zooey if you really want to: Halloween and uh…well, just Halloween. If it’s October 31st, by all means, throw on your cutest glasses, listen to Posters on the Dishwasher (just made that name up, but if they’re the sister band of TV on the Radio or Panic! At the Disco, I’d be very surprised – only if I was feigning it), make finger mustaches, be as quirky as possible and sip on vodka from your Rubik’s cube mug all night, making whacky faces while doing so. Any other day, however, you’re doing it at the risk of your hall-mates hanging you by your annoyingly long hair from the chandelier. Yes, you too, ladies.
The Faux Hipster
The hipster equivalent of a Magikarp, this is the most common hipster you’ll run into in college. The faux hipster isn’t actually a hipster – he or she is just a poor, lost soul who has watched 500 Days of Summer or Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind one too many times. They’ll say their favorite indie band is Arcade Fire (a band who recently won the Grammy for Album of the Year, the complete opposite of vague), throw on the tightest jeans Old Navy sells (*cough* Salvation Army *cough*) and drink Budweiser. (Do I have to spell it out for you? P…B…R. Wait, I guess that does have to be spelled out.) Needless to say, the faux hipster actually has no idea what they are doing. Or do they? (They don’t.) But, in their defense, it’s just a matter of time before they evolve into a terrifyingly awesome Gyarados – you know, upon graduation.
Truth be told, in the right doses, hipsters are possibly the most entertaining thing happening this month (besides the republican candidates). Why else would College Magazine dedicate an entire contest to them?
Photos: Faux Hipster: appedia.com, Artistic Hipster: By Brooklyn Vegan, Music Hipster: www.hipsterjew.com
