No matter how active or involved you are it’s a safe bet to say that you spend the majority of your time in your room. Sleep, work, study—it all originates at “home.” And who is always there to join you? The roommate. Love ‘em or hate ‘em, we can agree that we’ve all had them: the sex freak, the germaphobe, or the recluse. Whether you’re reading this from your apartment in China or dorm room in LA, you’ll recognize this cast of characters.
1. The Sexecutioner
“Dude, don’t even get me started. It was a nightly occurrence; I literally felt like Leon Trotsky from all that sexile.” —Pete Beauprete, Georgetown University, sophomore
Even if your roommate didn’t pull like Pete’s, we’ve all seen it happen. Guy gets girl. Girl gets guy. Girl gets girl. You name it, we’ve all been there. Sentenced to the common room without crime. There, you met your fellow 3 a.m. outcasts, sharing a laugh over the crude symphony of shrieks echoing through the halls.
2. The Vampire
“I seriously wanted to blow his brains out. Between the 45 minutes of ‘snoozing’ his alarm and the vicious snoring, I think I became nocturnal.” —James Coughlin, Boston College, junior
Whether it’s a full night of work or drunken escapades, fortunately this isn’t Twillight and your roommate can’t yank you into the vampire life. But he can snore you to death by day. Only Ash Ketchum could deal with Snorlax’s constant slumber and not fall victim to the plague himself. Unfortunately for you, garlic and silver only works in movies.
3. The Hermit
“Remember the beginning of Dark Knight Rises when Bruce becomes a leper, holed up in Wayne manor? OK, well imagine that he’s Batman. I guess that makes me Alfred. Damn, I wanted to be Batman.” —Alex Campbell, University of Rhode Island, freshman
Harmless and friendly, this roommate loved nothing more than the contours of his dorm room. Glued to that enormous bean bag, the hermit was always there. Always. We all need those much deserved vacations of privacy, but with the hermit you couldn’t buy solitude if your life depended on it. What did you do? Ask the poor hermit to leave? Congrats, you’re now on the level of communist Russia. You just exiled your roommate.
4. The Slob
“There is literally nothing worse than a sloppy roommate. Kelly’s clothes were constantly sprawled across the room.” —Anna Arnovsky, Villanova University, junior
We can all empathize with that one…unless we have ‘slobception’ scenario and you’re the messy one yourself (there’s your sequel, Christopher Nolan). Regardless, filth is filth and cleaning up your roommate’s sweaty underwear is nasty.
5. The OCD Cleaner
“I was just watching Full House yesterday. I forgot how annoying Danny Tanner’s cleaning was until I met Anna.” —Kelly Monson, Georgetown University, senior
First of all, 19 years old and still watching Full House? Respect the lifestyle. Regardless, not all organized people are crazy about their apartment. But we all know the one. And when ‘Danny Tanner’ throws away that water bottle of vodka on your desk, all hell can break loose.
6. The Rockefeller
“She was loaded and I loved every minute of it. Does that make me shallow? Probably, but I don’t care because she was awesome.” —Stephanie Davies, University of Rhode Island, Senior
It’s always a great feeling to, even temporarily, not have to worry about money or how expensive something is. With this fan favorite, your fridge was always overflowing and your calendar was packed with incredible events.
7. The Frat Star
“I love the kid to death. That image of the American flag tank-top, salmon shorts, and Wayfarer shades will stick with me forever.” —Kellen Masterson, University of South Carolina, sophomore
Sometimes it’s hard to tell the difference between the “Lax Bro” and the “Frat Star,” and sometimes there is none. But one thing is for sure: that dude in the American flag was always the life of the party, and that was great…for two days a week.
8. The Midnight Toker
“I think the politically correct term would be: ‘free spirited,’ but I think I prefer ‘stoner.’ He even pretended like he was into Buddhism. Let’s just say it was a fun year.” —Brian Trayman, Georgetown University, junior
I know the memory is a little hazy, but think hard enough and you’ll (maybe) remember this one. Depending on where you’re seated right now, the legality of this matter may vary a bit, yet we can’t deny that the stoners of the world have a good time nonetheless. We know the Midnight Toker loved life, but not all can juggle a normal day’s activities blazed and confused (not to mention keeping your entire wardrobe from that dank smell).
9. The Genius
“I’m not joking, she had seven minors. Seven. That’s 49 classes right there…even Ken Jennings can’t be that smart,” —Kerry Stedman, Boston College, sophomore
Always there to put you to shame, the genius was some type of robot. With a brain like a supercomputer, you never had to worry—she solved problems before they even existed.
10. The Olympian
“He was chiseled to say the least. His wall decorations were actually Supplement stickers and one giant movie poster of the Miracle on Ice.” —Ray Wiggins, Villanova University, sophomore
I bet this kid loves his “paleo diet.” A warrior in the gym and a monster in the kitchen, labeling food was a necessity around that roomie. Props to him though for making the rest of us look bad.
11. The Enemy
“From day one it just didn’t work. She said black, I said white. I wanted to watch Game of Thrones and she put on Gossip Girl.” —Brianna Belvedere, Georgetown University, freshman.
At least once in your life you knew this person. Whether you moved out day one, or stuck it out through day 365, the enemy knew exactly how to grind your gears. Like a younger sibling, she got under your skin like nobody’s business and you’ve never been so happy to move in your life.
12. The Match Made in Heaven
“You know love at first sight? Well I swear this was the dude version. I actually think we can read each other’s minds.” —Chris Glover, Providence College, sophomore
For obvious reason this companion is the easiest to remember. Why? Because you are still bros. Actually, more than that: bros for life (fist bump). It didn’t matter how alike or different you two were, the connection was and is real.
