Hey there, sleepyhead. You know what day it is, right? Today’s Tuesday. The day of your chem test. The test that started 47 minutes ago. No, no, buddy, don’t get up now. You might as well keep sleeping at this point—you’re going to need a sharp mind when you beg your professor to show you some mercy. What options do you have when your far-from-rested-self slaps the snooze button on test day? Circle one of these options and study up on your response.
a) Fake a Family Emergency
If you have morals of any kind, move on, but if your future career trumps your morals, keep reading. Imagine you’re a professor—would you really screw up a poor kid’s future “knowing” they’re in the midst of a crisis? Well…some professors would, but I’m going to go out on a limb and say that most would work out a way for you to make up what you missed. The good news about family emergencies are that they’re private, so you don’t have to come prepared with a full-fledged excuse and sources to back you up. Just express the severity of it and you’re set…prepare for a number of unexpected hugs and endearing smiles next time you show up to class though.
b) Fall Helplessly on Your Hands and Knees
This only works with professors who have souls. If your professor is a monster, don’t expect this to spawn good results. The key to this strategy is to show the professor that your life is a wreck. Run into their office with greasy hair, stained clothes, an unzipped backpack and winded lungs. Tear up and speak quickly until your anxiety rubs off on them and they interrupt you with a solution. Nobody wants to deal with an emotional wreck, and since you aren’t offering lame excuses, professors can rest assured that your intentions are golden. This option isn’t foolproof, however professors were once students too, and they know what it’s like to feel the weight of college crushing your soul into pieces. Executed right, this solution just might strike a sensitive nerve and allow you to maintain the B- you’ve been clinging onto all semester.
c) Threaten the Professor
Some professors challenge the notion that educators have their students’ best interests in mind. If the world hates you enough to keep you snoring during one of these professor’s exams, you might have no other option but to put up a fight. While threatening your daddy’s law degree or your mama’s no-chill attitude probably won’t achieve the result you want, finding a loophole in the syllabus and showing that you’re not backing down might. Unless the syllabus blatantly says, “Missing a test period will result in a zero,” there’s hope. If the syllabus offers a free pass for homework, bargain to take a make-up test instead. If the syllabus covers all its bases, throw some attitude and remind your professor that faculty evaluations are coming up…it would be such a shame if you wrote negative reviews.
d) Accept the Consequences
Get out of bed, laugh it off via Snapchat story and move on with your life. You’re bummed, you’re stressed, but it’s nothing that a Java Chip Frappuccino and drive through town can’t fix. Your GPA might take a dip in the deep end, but you’re old enough to know that the deep end isn’t as scary as it seems. C’s get degrees, degrees get jobs and jobs get money—you might not land that Forbes internship you’ve been eyeing, but you recognize that oversleeping was your fault. You’re prepared to face the consequences like a true adult. That’s better than a 4.0, right?
