‘Tis the season to give thanks and celebrate our good fortune. While that’s all fine and dandy, this week it’s time to fess up – we’re all at least a little glad it’s over. There are plenty of things not to be thankful for about Thanksgiving starting with…
Holiday traffic
Hours upon hours in the freaking (fill in the blank with your vehicle of choice), with absolutely no end in sight – that’s what we all face from Wednesday to Sunday. Whether it’s in a car, airport or train station fighting your way through traffic is terrifying. No thanks; I’ll just stay at home all week.
Black Friday
On that note, there’s no way to make Black Friday sound warm and inviting. There’s nothing that screams ‘Merica louder than spending one day giving thanks for what we have and the next trampling each other to get more, more, more. Deals or no deals, I’ll do my shopping another day so I can live to tell the tale.
The Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade
Yes, I went there. Who watches this and actually likes it? Every year I’m forced into watching hundreds of giant creepy balloons float through the streets of New York City for hours, while tween pop sensations sing with Disney characters, and all because football isn’t on yet. Pass.
The calories
Thanksgiving is thebest when it comes to food. The calories on the other hand; not so much. Why does everything that is delicious have to be so bad for you? F-that.
Odd relatives
Family get-togethers are usually awkward, but they’re made worse when you have to meet an estranged relative who you’ve only ever heard referred to as ‘different.’ There’s Uncle Jim, red faced and snoring on your couch, Great auntie Jane with claw-like fingernails and a propensity for cheek-pinching and cousin Sally who does nothing but talk about how ah-mazing her week in France was last year. Every set of crazy relatives is different, but they’re all more than capable of making the day excruciating.
And finally…
Dragging out the over-the-top Christmas decorations.
Look, if the light from your holiday decorations reach any yard besides your own and could cause an epileptic seizure, you’ve gone too far. Spending the three days after Thanksgiving setting up Roger and Hammerstein’s Christmas Extravaganza in the yard is a cold, wet and ridiculous affair. And whatever happened to those classy classic Christmas decorations we know and love? Those blow up Santa’s are just plain creepy.
This year, take a moment to say Thank God it’s NOT Thanksgiving. And, if you find yourself nostalgic for last week just remember – winter break is almost upon us. You’ll have plenty more holiday antics to complain about come New Year’s.
