It is no secret that finding eligible, straight men at NYU is… tricky, at best. When 99% of the male population is either unavailable, douchebags or not into women at all, it is almost impossible to embark on a quest to find the love of your life. Luckily for you, this guide serves as your helping hand to identify and dissect the kinds of (straight) men you are bound to meet at NYU.
Check out the 10 types of straight men you’ll see all around campus.
1. The Sternie
Attendees of the Stern School of Business at NYU have the clout… and everyone knows it. Equipped with their school merch, a cocky attitude and most likely a briefcase, Sternies can be spotted from a mile away typing frantically on their laptops at the Starbucks on West 4th Street or pandering around Gould Plaza. While most Stern men are certainly attractive, they all truly embrace their reputation as ambitious men who will do almost anything to get ahead. They even have the attire to prove it. “I see my friends all the time in dining halls in freaking suits because they just came from an interview at Stern. I’m like, dope, you just gonna wear that all day?” NYU sophomore Claudia Meng said. The answer is yes — most of the time, they do.
2. The Boujee Boy
Not to be confused with those men who constantly show off their everyday Gucci-and-Prada-wear, NYU Boujee Boys prefer the subtle flexes: a Rolex watch, Off-White sneakers, off-brand sweatshirts that cost about a month’s rent. While this may sound appealing, dear reader, approach with caution. “During the ten minute ride from the bar to his apartment, he lost his Louis Vuitton wallet, drivers license, NYU ID, money, credit cards and his Visa,” sophomore Sydni Wynter said. “They may treat you to gourmet meals at Michelin star restaurants, but they’ll also interrupt mid-conversation to call their parents about refilling their credit card.” These boujee men may look perfect on paper, but beware that their irresponsibility may cloud their availability.
3. The Soundcloud Rapper/Aspiring DJ
This one is definitely the most well-known at a school like NYU… and definitely the most annoying. It’s like they follow you everywhere: they smoke outside your residence halls, they wear their Beats to class every day, and they invite you to sketchy clubs so you can pretend to get hype to their bad house music for a few hours and then leave. “These DJs think they’re hot stuff just because they blow up your social media with venues they’re playing. They play a venue and five people show up once and then they think they’ve made it,” sophomore Isha Ganguli said. “Their beats are the pre-recorded ones you find on SoundCloud with maybe two added original tracks.” Pretty much sums it up. But every once in a blue moon, you find a guy who can actually get you into some pretty cool venues, so pick wisely.
4. The Ones Who Could Possibly be Gay, but if They’re Not They’re Super Straight and Probably Assholes
You spot him walking down the street, sitting in the back of your class or eating by himself in the dining hall. He’s intellectual, hilarious and extremely hot. But a question haunts you, one that’s always on your mind but that you can never ask: Is he subtly gay or super straight? “My first day at NYU I met a girl in my class who told me that guys at NYU are gay until proven straight,” NYU senior Claire Wright said. “Finding a nice, straight guy here is like finding a four-leaf clover in a field.” The key is: finding a nice, straight guy. You can spot a heterosexual man at NYU from the other side of Washington Square Park, but the odds of them going too far on the first date or being a self-centered douchebag are definitely higher than most.
5. The Frat Guy
Instead of an “athlete” or “jock” category in this guide, we have in its place at a school where sports barely exist a man of high social status: the Frat Guy. If you find yourself involved in the small pool of Greek Life at NYU, you are certainly all too familiar with this type. “They’re all either super athletic or they have a hint of feminine in them,” junior Olivia Ernst said. “They’re not cliquey like they are at other schools, and they’re very artsy.” At any other school, frat guys are known for throwing trashy ragers, wearing the same shirt and sweatpants every day and keeping their juuls on them at all times. At NYU, frat guys throw kickbacks on the roof of their penthouse loft in Soho, wear either their athletic gear or designer clothes their parents bought for them… and also keep their juuls on them at all times. The good news? Most of them play guitar and the chances of getting roofied at parties are slim. The bad news? They’re probably only friends with you because they want to get in your pants.
6. The Potential Kpop Star
This type comes with the greatest style, the best taste in music and the tightest-knit friends. Most frequently spotted in their grandiose apartments, the Palladium dining hall or shopping at designer stores on Broadway, the Potential Kpop Star is a common category at NYU. “They already have the attitude to go with it, like if they accidentally make eye contact with you, you’ll automatically lower their clout by association,” sophomore Jade Cegielski said. If these boys don’t have their girlfriends already, they are unlikely to make the first move, so a searching girl most definitely has to put her best foot forward when approaching the Potential Kpop Star.
7. The “Committed” Boyfriend
Since the evolution of social media, it is no secret that most boyfriends have a little bit of trouble staying in their lane. Add a city full of temptations and a college campus full of beautiful girls into the mix, and your brand-new three month relationship may need a little extra care. “One of my friends got into a really serious relationship starting the second week of school. I was on Tinder once for fun and I see him on there, so of course I swipe right because I always swipe on people I know. Surprise, surprise, we match,” NYU freshman Katie Zepf said. “He said that in all seriousness, he’d love to take me out, which confused me since I was SURE he had a girlfriend! I never ended up going out with him, but I’ve heard that he’s had a few girlfriends since.” Unfortunately, this scenario is a misfortune that bestows itself upon many girls in “committed” relationships at NYU. Searching females should approach with caution and definitely do their research.
8. The “I’m in a Long-Distance Relationship” Guy
Certainly a rare breed, the “I’m in a Long-Distance Relationship” Guy is a site to behold. They’re usually tall, handsome, yet unattainable…which in most cases, make this type one of the most desirable at NYU. You are almost always positive that he’s flirting with you, but he never actually makes a move. Constantly reminding you that he is “trying to make it work” with his hunny who attends that one party school on the West Coast, this type is surprisingly the most loyal to their significant others. However, at a school like NYU, temptations are bound to arise. “He kept showing me pictures of his long distance girlfriend, then five minutes later he asked me for pick-up lines to hit on this other girl in class,” junior Sophie Gossack said. “I asked about the girl who he’d just said was the love of his life, and then he said that as an artist, he has to appreciate the difference of beauty that was just brought in front of him.” Although the “Long-Distance” type may talk the talk, chances are they’ll still FaceTime their boo for four hours later that night, anyway.
9. The Starving Artist
A shoulder bag slung around their shoulder, a haircut longer than their acoustic guitar solos and a graphic tee they wear everyday that you hope and pray gets washed; these are the qualities of the Starving Artist type. Most likely found smoking a blunt or cigarette outside of the dinghy bar they’re performing a set at, this one is a great friend to go to concerts or talk about the purpose of life with. Dating, however? Not so sure. “I went out with this guy because I established an “artistic connection” with him, so we made plans to go to a museum,” NYU freshman Maria Freye said. “He got a bad haircut the night before the date, and when he picked me up I realized I was NOT attracted to him anymore. The good thing about museums is that you have to be quiet in them, which left room for me to disappear without him saying anything.” Probably broke and most likely not as talented as they think they are, the Starving Artist type is unfortunately one of the most popular at New York University.
10. The Mysterious Tandon Student
All men may be mysteries in their own way, but the missing Tandon Student is one code that NYU women have yet to crack. “Everyone knows they exist, but no one I know has ever seen them before,” sophomore Casey Lim said. “I have tons of Tandon girlfriends, but I’ve never met one male who goes there.” Even though the Tandon School of Engineering is in Brooklyn, female attendees often make their way up to Manhattan to experience nightlife or meet up with friends. Yet Tandon boys are yet to be found in the Big Apple, and no one knows why. So, if you want to venture out of the city to expand your range, take the train out to Brooklyn and let the rest of us know if the guys over there are any better than the ones on this side of the water.
