Florida State University is home to a different breed of college students. A student who believes some Chick-Fil-A nugs outweigh being late to class. One that primitively pushes their dorm room desk under their raised bed and calls it a loft. That radiates chaotic energy and you know I’m right. These are the staple experiences that every FSU student has either lived through or witnessed and later tweeted about from the comfort of their seat in the freshly cut Landis grass as the Byrd scooter pastor reminded them, “Hell is hot. Don’t be a thot.”
Enjoy this curated list of unspoken FSU traditions that truly capture the Tallahassee college experience.
1. Returning as a student and realizing your campus tour fooled you into thinking that all of the buildings will look like the William Johnston Building.
Bonus points if you hug Eva Killings, the famous Suwanee cashier. Extra bonus points if you whisper to your bestie, “I feel like a zoo animal” when a campus tour stares in the windows of your ethics class.
2. Dejectedly sitting in an empty lecture hall for 15 minutes before checking your email to find that your 8 am was canceled
This one hits a lil’ different when it’s your only class on Fridays. You could’ve had a three day weekend but you didn’t check your email before leaving home and now you feel silly.
3. Signing into Canvas to drop a class while the instructor reviews the syllabus
Drop/Add week is a lawless time. Let me set the scene here: This usually happens after checking Rate My Professor to see that the $200 textbook the instructor wrote is required. The instructor is struggling to use the projector and the kid next to you has dropped their metal water bottle three times. You don’t want to be rude, but why sit through a class you aren’t enrolled in? You have to scoot through a row of desks and stumble over someone’s overpriced Nike duffel bag only to accidentally let the door slam as you’re leaving. Yikes.
4. Seeing your Orientation Leader hit a keg at a frat party
We’re all human. Send your tweet and move on. Students often run into orientation leaders, tour guides and even RA’s throwing back shots. Let them have their fun, too.
5. Matching with your TA on tinder
Dead ass. You only swiped right because you were curious and so did they, but also maybe it means something. But probably not. But imagine playing intellectual tennis with the English TA you’ve been crushing on since August. But, also it’s okay to dream, right. I mean, that’s your TA… right?
6. Watching your mom act like she’s 20 at Pots during Parent’s Weekend
There is nothing like waking up to a video of your mom blacked out making out with a 20-something, backward hat-sporting frat boy in the middle of a college bar featured on Barstool FSU’s Instagram the next day.
7. Eavesdropping on the girl beside you in your baby bio class as she online shops mid-lecture
“I’d never talked to her before, but I knew who she was by what she was buying,” said John Brannigan, an FSU rising sophomore. “She spent ten minutes looking for a tapestry, then gave up and bought a collection of aloe plants. I didn’t even know you could buy those through Amazon.”
8. Online shopping during your baby bio class
Monkey see, monkey do.
9. Platonically crushing on the grumpy Syrian man who runs the Sweet Shop
Some have beef with Nedal for his cantankerous disposition, but that man is a national treasure. You can’t change my mind. “He complimented me once when he was trying to come up with a new name for a smoothie with chocolate and bananas in it,” said Parker Logan, a former employee of the iconic Jefferson Street establishment. “I said: let’s call it Curious George. He looked at me for about two minutes. He said nothing. Then he nodded. He asked: ‘you do creative writing?’ I nodded. He said, ‘You won’t get a job. But I like Curious George’. Then he started making monkey noises.” When asked what made the job worth it, Logan responded promptly: “He takes care of his employees. He builds and repairs all of his own furniture. He is also very upfront; you never wonder where you stand with him. Once, he told someone to either order or get the f–k off the phone.”
10. Quietly crying on the silent floors of Strozier
After resigning to your fate, you put in headphones and try to avoid the petitioners that loiter around campus. They’ll bother you anyways because they have nothing but time.
11. Drunkenly falling down the Recess stairs while the cops at the bottom watch
Keep your head high, sweetie. You know they’ve seen it all before. Sabrina Brooks was leaving the popular club after a fun night out with her roommates and, “felt [her] heels miss the edge of the stairs.” The stairs get especially slick after bouncers have to drag people out of the pool. “I swear my heart dropped into my stomach and didn’t come back up until we made it to Taco Bell. I chalk it up to bad engineering. I haven’t been back since,” Brooks said.
12. Arguing with your ex in your Intro to Philosophy Class
The devil doesn’t need an advocate in PHI 2000. I get that you need your participation points, but it’s not that deep. Keep pretending your mocha frap is a black coffee. Hush.
13. Finally understanding what ‘scalp em’ means and wondering if that’s even allowed
“I had to check my white privilege real quick when I realized what that was all about,” said Chase Clough, a sophomore at FSU. Clough only recently comprehended the chant despite being a part of the FSU Marching Chiefs for two years now. “It’s kinda wild that we all chant borderline racist slogans at sporting events and call it a fight song. Pick your battles, I guess,” Clough said.
14. Submitting a canvas assignment in the middle of Bajas ten minutes before the midnight deadline
*The following dialogue should be yelled with garbage EDM music blasting*
“Did you do the canvas quiz?”
“Oh sh-t.”
~Assignment submitted at 11:52 PM~
15. Matching with the same TA a year later on Bumble
No, seriously.
A Truly Unparalleled College Experience
With almost two years at Florida State under my belt, I can confidently say I have crossed seven of these items off my Seminole bucket list. Fortunately, I have four semesters left of war chants, drinking Mom and Pop’s lemonade in my poetry workshops and playing with adorable puppies on Landis. I’m anticipating being thrown into Westcott fountain, taking my last ‘First Day of School’ photo, and all the rockin’ Club Downunder concerts I’ll attend. FSU promises unmatched college moments and you will not be let down. Prepare for the most academically rigorous, thought-provoking, view changing years of your life. You will meet lifelong friends, mentors, and weird roommates that will redefine your sense of personal space. And if you’ve already started your journey along Legacy Walk, then buckle up buttercup. You’ve got memories to make.
