Did you know the “d” in Ayden stands for “Don Juan”? Indeed, as the former heavyweight champion of pulling ladies left and right, I see nobody more qualified than myself to give dating app advice. Aside from a healthy and long-term relationship, I would say my two years on Tinder and Bumble exposed me to just about every kind of experience: pleasant conversations, lots of dry conversations, plenty of ghosting and a few fun nights here and there. After seeing so many articles about how men can strengthen their profiles in the game of online dating, I decided to take it upon myself to write a list based on my own observations. These dating app sins do not come up in every profile, but I do see them often enough to confidently make a list.
To avoid any misconstruing of my writings, I will emphasize one thing. Read my list as an entirely subjective opinion. Other folks on these apps may not agree with me, which I totally get. This solely comes from my own personal experience swiping left and right on god knows how many profiles.
So without further ado, let us begin!
Essay Bios/No Bio
This issue stands as one of the lesser sins on my list. The saying “everything in moderation” correctly applies to your dating app bio. No bio at all leaves me with just your pictures to make a decision (which usually leads to a no). Meanwhile, too long of a bio can feel a tad excessive. Save some details for after you match, let me discover it later on. Now, I will admit that when comparing the two, the absence of a bio does feel like the worse sin. At least with a longer bio, we get something to talk about.
Mainly, your bio should show off a bit of your personality. Make me laugh with a joke. Tell me a bit about what you do for a living. Where do you hail from? Remember, a good description can make for a good conversation starter. Additionally, a well written bio can tell people whether you want something for the long-term, short-term or just the night (if you catch my drift).
Face filters and/or editing
This sin actually doesn’t come up very often, but still gets a hard pass when I see it. One picture with a funny Snapchat filter doesn’t phase me. However, some people tend to go overboard with it, posting several obviously filtered pictures in a row. This works against you in my experience. When swiping, I’d like to see your actual face, please.
Of course, one should not conflate Snap filters with makeup. Seeing somebody with impressive makeup makes for a whole other (and quite positive) impression. Filters can feel like a cheap way of hiding your real face, whereas actually good makeup shows off your cosmetic skills. I’ll say it a lot in this article, but whether you want a good time or a long time, go for authenticity.
You and (possibly) your Ex
Now this one falls into a bit of a gray area, and I will admit that it assumes a lot. Hear me out, however. Say I’m looking at a girl’s profile, and I see her wrapped around another guy. I’m talking full-on hands curled around shoulders, hips, arms, etc. What does this tell me about the two of them?
Now, potentially I am looking at nothing more than a platonic picture between friends or siblings, but that just doesn’t seem likely. To me personally, this gives the impression that your ex still lives rent-free in your head. What does this conclusion mean for me? Am I meant to compare myself to your previous partner? Do you seek somebody who looks like them? You can still think about your ex, of course (god knows I do far too much), just avoid using them when trying to advertise yourself as a single, self-possessed person.
Only selfies
This particular sin feels self-explanatory to me. You may possess a pleasing countenance, but what else am I to find appealing about you? For one, only using face pictures means you miss out on showing off some of the other things that make you interesting, like your hobbies and friends. Additionally, only using selfies can feel like a cover for the rest of your physical appearance. While I understand why anybody would feel some insecurity over their own body type (my own reaction to myself in the mirror flip-flops between extreme confidence and utter disgust), you cannot afford to hide yourself. People want to see the real you. They want to know what to expect when you meet up, and they want to see your confidence in showing yourself off.
Only Group photos
This sin feels particularly poignant if you ask me. One or two decent pictures with a group of your friends, sports team, local knitting club, etc. doesn’t scare me off at all. In fact, showing off what clubs you hang with can make for another great talking point! However, making every single one of your photos a group picture makes it rather difficult to pinpoint you. At best, you make it hard to find you. At worst, you come off as trying to hide behind other people.
Height Requirements
As somebody under six feet tall, this one hits me right in the feels. Now, I wrestle with this one internally as on one hand, putting your preferences upfront saves a lot of work for both parties. However, you could also just swipe left on people you don’t find attractive. I feel as though this method intentionally only serves to make you look shallow. Tall guys will instantly know your attraction to them solely comes from their ability to possess long legs, while short kings will just roll their eyes and take it as a slight. Additionally, why not step out of your comfort zone when it comes to height? Smash the patriarchy by throwing away old-fashioned notions of getting with a basketball player and go for a shorter guy like Zendaya.
Hunting Pictures
In many ways, my revulsion for hunting photos feels contradictory to my preferences. I like strong women who don’t fear getting their hands dirty or going out into nature. Additionally, I do not strongly oppose hunting that much, as I understand plenty of places need it for wildlife control. Hell, any of my friends will tell you I’m a definite fan of all things macabre like spiders, skulls, cadavers, etc. In theory, I should like a lady who hunts.
However, something about putting hunting pictures in your dating profile just rubs me the wrong way. At the end of day, you chose to advertise yourself as a romantic option by posing with an animal carcass. If I wanted to see the bloody body of a deceased deer, I’d take a drive on a Pennsylvania highway, not open Tinder. Additionally, if you seek men who find that sort of thing attractive at face-value, I just don’t think our values align at a base level. Happy hunting, but I gotta swipe left.
